Quote from Mike Dooley, The Universe, www.tut.com.
There are things we avoid, things we seek. I wouldn’t necessarily ask for anger, or grief, but then again, in their pure experience, there’s nothing to resist, really. In their wake it’s likely that something softer, kinder will come.
Right now, for example, with my computer slow, and weird background processes stealing the focus of input, so that words that I type do not appear, are lost forever, meaning I have to try to recall what flowed without thought through my fingers, I feel a ridge of tension across my shoulders and down my arms to my biceps. I flex my back, feel my jaw tight, tilt my head, notice my eyes are dry; the part of my skull around the front of my brain is pressing against my scalp.
Today, that’s the physical form frustration takes, and I revel in it, I feel it fully, I push into it, to see how much I can increase it. In a matter of seconds it peaks and begins to subside, and then I notice how the light is spilling across the duvet (it’s Sunday, and I’m writing in bed) and how beautiful the rippling forms of whiteness and shadow are, how the waffle-textured stripes catch the eye and lead it dancing around the contours of morning disarray. Frustration is gone, replaced by a slow deep breath, a smile, the joy of life.
The thing about life is, we have to embrace all of it, or nothing. In order to experience joy, love, beauty we have to feel anger, grief, confusion. Numbing one numbs them all; pushing into any one of them, amplifying the experience, amplifies them all.
This doesn’t mean taking much notice of the circumstances surrounding them. Frustration can come from a huge variety of sources, but in its essence it’s pretty much the same. Looking at the circumstances only removes us from the feeling, diminishes it. I might give the feeling its name, but then I look for where I feel it in my body – that’s the true experience.
I think of my day yesterday, and another smile plays. It was a beautiful interlude, my husband home for 37 hours between business trips to other countries. We talked, we laughed, we went to dinner and to lunch; I poured out my visions of the future as we lounged in bed in the afternoon. This I feel across my shoulders, too, in a different way. I close my eyes, breathe again, and feel into this experience, amplifying it, enlarging it, exploring it and enjoying it to the max.
I wouldn’t necessarily ask for the so-called negative feelings: anger, or grief, but I embrace them when they come to me; and in glorying in them, temporarily, as they pass through, I know, with absolute certainty, that I’m alive.